What Do You See That’s Different?
With Kole I had a pretty healthy pregnancy, all scans where perfect, we found out we where having a boy at 20 weeks.
We went for our 30 week scan and they were unsure about what was going on. We went back at 35 weeks and things seemed unsure again with his Doppler. They kept me in over night then I had to check in every day and night, still no idea what was the reason behind it. So at 35 weeks and 4 days they brought me in for an emergency section.
The section went smoothly. Kole was born at 6.12pm on the 28th of August 2013. They held him over me and to this day he was the most gorgeous baby I’d ever laid eyes on. He was PERFECT!
They took him away to weigh him as they do but I noticed they where taking longer than usual. After around 10 minutes they put him on my chest and I couldn’t stop staring at him. My mum was allowed in by this stage and all of us just couldn’t believe how beautiful he was. Around half and hour later his lips where going a bit blue and he needed some oxygen which was to be expected with being 4 weeks early. Then a consultant came down and was checking him over and still I thought it was to do with his breathing.
So my mum and his daddy left to go celebrate as you do lol! Kole was placed in an incubator beside my bed and one of my midwifes was still fussing around the room. Still I didn’t think anything of it. Then at 8pm the consultant came down with another consultant and that’s when I asked if everything was okay. Jenny my midwife stopped them before they could speak and asked for Kole to be put in my arms with his oxygen mask over him. So I’m sitting there on my own and one of the consultants told me there are a few complications with Kole. I asked her what she meant. She said about some facial features, even then I didn’t notice. She then asked me what do I see different about Kole than I did from my other baby. I looked at him and I saw it there and then. He has Down syndrome. I asked if that’s what it was and she replied yes! I started to fill up till I couldn’t hold it in any longer and I cried and cried (12 hours solid). Jenny and Janice my midwives we’re amazing. Jenny hugged me and comforted me and told me to get my mum and Kole’s dad back up. They were back within 5 minutes of me making that phone call.
I can still remember everything in that room – everything that happened and what people’s faces where like. I was mourning the child I should have had instead of celebrating the child I was given, and to this day my biggest regret is feeling like that.
I’ll never forget Jenny’s words “he’s your son, your baby and that little boy will be the light of your life”
And Janice my other midwife, who helped deliver Kole, was absolutely disgusted by the way I was told. She knew the moment Kole was born he had Down syndrome but she was in no place to say. They both cried with me and hugged me until my mum and his daddy made it to the hospital and for that I’ll be forever grateful.
After the 12 full hours of crying and mourning the child I didn’t have I pulled myself together and was angry for even crying over it. If I knew then what I know now things would have been so different. I’m glad I don’t have the child I thought I was going to have because I got an even better one. This one showed me a different path in life. He showed me a whole new meaning of love and he taught me the best part – “acceptance”! I thought he was perfect when he was born, but he was beyond perfection!
Kole will turn 7 years old in August and throughout those 7 tiny years he has overcome some awful hurdles. That’s why I love the “butterfly effect”. His personality is like no other and he loves to make his presence known wherever he goes. He’s brought so many amazing people into our lives that will be with us forever because once Kole draws you in, you can’t get enough of him. He has the most amazing dirty laugh, the loudest shouting ever and enough energy to keep a village going for day, but I wouldn’t change a thing.
Oh, did I mention, he’s incredibly handsome also!